There is one primary motivating factor in my life:  Death.  One day, I will die.

I imagine what it is like, that momement when I realize that this is it, game over.  I expect I will chuckle and think "well, this is it" and try to be philosophical.  If I can see I will concentrate on my final vision.  I hope I will think of my wife and son, if I am not in too much pain.

I see it happening in one of two ways, either a heartattach or an auto accident.  I fear that it will be in the middle of the night.  I'll wake up and go, "crap" and that will be that.  I'll probably shit my pants then.

This is hard for me to write because it is one my deepest emotions, something I have felt for a long long time.  At least since I was a teenager.  I don't know the exact moment I felt it but at that point I knew my mortality and felt real fear.  The fear of the end but more so the fear of not having accomplished anything.

I have accomplished one good thing.  Thomas Edward.  My son.  I pray that God watches over him and protects him.